Changing the Atmosphere (Bot9 #364)
I was standing with Zach Wilson the other day during a game and we started talking about coaching. It turns out that we both admire the work of Phil Jackson, the great NBA coach from the Chicago Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers. Jackson’s desire and ability to connect with each of his athletes individually is one of the many attributes we discussed as we observed the Valor athletes competing. In one instance highlighted in The Last Dance, Jackson allows Dennis Rodman a mini-sabbatical in the middle of the season. Jackson knew that this is what Rodman needed and he met him where he was in order to get the best out of his star.
Do we know our athletes to that degree? Last year I encouraged us to know the story of all of our young people by introducing or reintroducing us to the Chick-fil-A training video “Every person has a story.” Everyone we encounter has a story and things they’re bringing into a given interaction. Knowing those circumstances is a big part of relationship building, but it’s only one step in the process. We also have to set the atmosphere as those athletes interact with us. With that thought, I want to present a different take on the parable of the carrot, egg, and coffee bean.
Here’s how the story goes: A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes, she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what do you see?” “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” the daughter replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity — boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
“Which are you?” she asked her…
And that’s how the parable is generally taught: are you the item that turns to mush when heat is applied, do you become hardened when trials arrive, or do you change the environment? But I’d like to ask a different question for us as coaches and leaders. Are you the boiling water or the coffee bean? I believe the competition of sport and the expectations put upon our athletes present enough boiling water and heat in the lives of our young people. Why would we, as coaches, feel the need to present any more heat? Our most masterful coaches change the presentation of adversity and difficulty into something possessing a pleasant aroma, one that is consumable and pleasant for consumption. As someone who likes plenty of cream and sugary syrup in his coffee, I’d even suggest some joy and celebration as a part of that environment as well!
One of my favorite questions that I ask myself every day is this: How does it feel to be coached by me? I try to intentionally light up every time I see each of you. I’m the biggest fan of every member of our athletics team and do all I can to help them succeed. Do you go “bright faced” every time you see every one of your athletes? This idea comes from child development psychology and is reminiscent of a parent going to the crib greeting the child with an incredible smile. Is that how you greet all of your athletes? Are you the biggest fan of every one of your players? This is challenging with some athletes, but when you’re willing to engage athletes like Jackson did Rodman, no athlete is difficult. Are you truly behind each of your athletes cheering them on no matter the outside noise?
Here’s a challenge for everyone: say each of your athlete’s names 8 times during a practice. I heard this idea from an AD at another high school and I found myself really stretched by the idea. Could we show that we know each of our athletes and acknowledge their presence in this way? Could we set that kind of expectation for basic human connection? Again, the encouragements are simple. Build a relationship with every player on your roster and in your program. Be intentional in the atmosphere you set for each athlete and for the team. These are things the Lord does for each and every one of us. May we do the same for others.