Losing is hard…don’t make it harder (Bot9 #347)
Spring training has begun, college and high school baseball along with it, and hope, yet again, springs eternal. The renewal of the season is upon us as we’re only a couple of weeks away from the official start of Spring. With this, may we keep something in mind as we begin - every team but one will end their season with a loss. It doesn’t matter the age or level, only one team ends their season with a win.
This knowledge makes me wonder - if 99.9% of teams will end their seasons the same way, why are we so bad at the losing? It’s not that we should desire losing or get used to losing, but we should be better at it than we are, shouldn’t we? In fact, we often fail to recognize how valuable losing or failure can be as a stepping stone to success. Take a look at this graphic:
When we see failure as the path to success (the bottom of the graphic), we recognize that we must walk through difficult times on our way to greater mastery and success. When we try to avoid failure at all costs (the top of the graphic) or encounter those who do, we end up in unnatural and difficult situations. It’s hard to live with the mindset that failure is the path to success because so many people try to avoid failure. One sees life as a pendulum that swings from failure or success, while the other sees life as a constant journey through difficulty to reach success. When we see things as a process, we get to keep walking. When we don’t, we just tick back and forth over and over again.
Having the opportunity to oversee all of the sports at our high school gives me the chance to see which athletes and parents are avoiding failure and which ones see difficulty as the path to success. No matter how many coaches I have sharing the story of The Chinese Farmer with their teams, we undoubtedly have people struggle when they fail or face discomfort. They remind me of the “tension creators” from the first chapter of my first book, Well Coached - A Coach’s Journey. They’re the ones who make losing even harder. Whether it be a kid, parent, or administrator, they attack when the pendulum swings to failure instead of success. Losing is hard enough on us, we don’t need anyone to make it harder.
Here are three things I see people do who are able to view failure as merely a singular event on the road to success:
1. Learn from the loss when it occurs. The whole “there is no losing, you win or you learn thing” is neat and all, but it doesn’t quite capture what is happening when you try to learn from a loss. Learning transforms the losing and makes it into something potentially positive. Losing is real. It’s difficult and it sucks (at least for those of us who are competitors). However, learning is a transformational element that allows one to walk the road through failure to success.
2. Avoid cheering against others and taking joy in their losses. Social media isn’t helping us here. I can’t believe what people say in that public forum, but it’s vile. Why in the world would you openly cheer against other human beings? These are pendulum people. They feel successful when others fail. No one who sees failure as the path to success and has walked that difficult road would ever wish harm on another.
3. Don’t divide or isolate in those moments - connect. For whatever reason, we believe that road through failure has to be taken alone. I don’t know why this is, but I know it is our human tendency. Fight what the flesh says in these moments and find connection. Find people who have walked the difficult road through failure and invite them along the path with you. Find people who have been in the arena because they won’t leave you alone.
We have a chance to live out John 13:34-35 this year and for years to come. Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” When we love through losing, we improve on something very common and build ourselves for the road ahead.